Well, I've gotten pretty used to 40mg each morning at this point. Although by the time of this post it's obviuos I don't feel a need for as much sleep.
I went to my first follow up appointment with my Dr. today and he was pleased to hear that everything seemed to be going positively. Speaking of positive news, I've lost 4 pounds in the last two weeks! I credit the lack of appetite side effect, as well as a lack of need for caffine, which has cut back my soda intake some.
In the end, I think it has settled down to the fact that I'm just getting more done. Little things mostly, like doing dishes or laundry. I think about it, and just do it, which means I can stop thinking about it, which is pretty much the point. I've gotten a little manic with the Lego the last few days, but hey, BrickCon starts tomorrow and I've still got one more story to build. The good news is that it's not a full story, the bad news is that means I'm making it all up myself...which is probably good news too.
Brickcon should be pretty incredible this year. First off, because it's always incredible and gets better every year. Second off, is that events like this have always pushed my stimulation level into that range where I'm running at peak performance. Kinda like my old job managing Pietro's Pizza. Lots of input and stimulation for the brain to soak up meant better brain chemistry. Now, though, I've got the medicine helping with that which means I'm likely looking at a weekend where I can be on top of everything and enjoy myself more. Either way, I'm pretty excited.
Why is it alwasy "oh this weekend X will get done" and the weekend goes by, things get done and X is never in sight. Tricky X. Nobody today could believe I was upset by the suddenly sunny day we had, but that sun meant the yard had to be tended before it rained again and everything else went downhill from there.
Oh, and don't get three ADD adults "chatting" about things near sundown. Medicated or not, you're going to end up eatting dinner around bedtime.
Despite being up well past a smart bedtime, I'm certain that the past couple of nights are not medication based. I can say with certainty that if I had turned in around 10pm, I'd have slept. Of course, C-pap machines are pretty good for that once you're used to them.
The scale is out of batteries and it takes some flat-round ones so I don't know that I'll be replacing them soon. I've considered using Wii Fit, but the living room is small at the moment. I have a feeling I'm losing weight. I know I'm eating less and moving more. It all comes back to what the doc said. "You'll just find yourself doing more."
At this point, I don't think I'll go to three pills. Two has definite effects with (currently) no noticible negatives aside from a little jittery-ness early in the day.
Still haven't written, but I've been hit with inspiration for a LEGO project I might actually finish by the con. Still not making my lunches at night and I really don't know why. I think about it plenty, but it's not on my "just do" list yet. Maybe I'm trying to force myself to come down off the effects. Ah well, as I'm only making lunches for me and the girl-child it's not as much of a time sink in the morning, which is probably the biggest reason I haven't made it priority at night.
It used to be, I would bring two smaller lunches to work. I work late morning to mid-evening so my lunch at 2pm isn't a time my body wanted a meal. I'd have a good breakfast, but by about noon, I'd want something to eat. I'd usually make myself two sammiches eat one around noon and one around 4-5. The problem with that is that I was still going home and eating a dinner at 7. Not as much as I used to eat, but I was eating four times and I couldn't really say if they were all that smaller.
For the past few days, I've made it all they way to my lunch. Loss of appetite is a big issue with all of these kind of drugs, but it's not like I'm a growing kid or that I've completely lost it. I think I've lost a degree of eating because it's something else than what I'm doing. Also, did I mention I'm not having caffine cravings? I don't drink coffee, but I can put away soda like water and I was having 2-3 Dr. Pepper rip offs a day for a long while. Thursday I just didn't think about it. I did pick up soda, but I got a root beer instead. Nothing so drastic as my tastebuds not liking it, I still can drink it like water, but I'm not hitting a yawning wall that makes me think "gotta drink some soda". Not a bad thing, certainly, but I'm still not giving it up completely.
Goal meeting - Ha! Making the first, haven't written anything new, but have been working on lots of Lego sorting for the last minute con build, so trading one hobby for the other I guess. Maybe tonight I'll write some. Still not making lunches the night before, despite being up way too late (see Lego sorting).
Last night's late night was weird. I wasn't wired or jittery, I just had spent the whole day getting cleaning and laundry done and felt like I still owed myself the Lego time I had planned on when I packed up nearly everything on my work desk so I could bag up all the sorted stuff I did and bring in some more stuff to sort. Got started later than expecte (of course, too much to do) but I had to run to the store around 8pm last night and that gave me a second wind to get myself set up. Then I started bagging up stuff out of the sorting boxes and watching stuff on Netflix so I just kept going. Then I realized it was 1:30.
Yet, while I did hit snooze a few extra times this morning, once I was up and showered, I'm not really feeling like I only got 4-5 hours of sleep. Tonight, though, I think I'll make myself go to sleep by 10pm just to be sure.
Lunchtime! (food and hunger are shifting too so I'll post about that later)
Well, I took two pills this morning, having taken one the last few days and seen some effect. Today was full of cleaning house, something I'm normally lousy at accomplishing. I tend to find distractions and time wasting activities rather than dive into the "real" stuff. Not so much today.
1) Actually managed to keep an ear on the laundry. Often we'll go an extra hour or so before either of us thinks "oh, the dryer's finally done, gotta go change loads." but I was totally on top of it.
2) Seeing more of the "just doing it" rather than thinking/talking about it. Of course, this meant I was getting REALLY tired by the evening.
3) OK, if I was so tired, why am I still up? Couple reasons. I took a quick (well, no so much) trip to the store late tonight. That got the blood pumping again. I also turned on the TV to watch while sorting LEGO. Netflix is an evil thing when you've got just one more small sorting box to clear out into longer term storage in bags. I really do think it was the activity over the TV, though. I really, really wanted to get so I could use most of the boxes in the next couple of days at work for sorting.
Finally, I asked Amanda if she was seeing a difference, specifically today. Though most medicines take a while, this one has such an impact, it's three days. Plus, I doubled up this morning so I was wondering about a jump. She declared I wasn't as "whiny" (she hated using the word, but I understood, see above) about cleaning all day. She also noted I've been less impatient with the kids, which is funny because Irritability is a side effect. I had, however, been on my last leg lately with the kids, so this is an improvement.
Other than the sleep thing (which I really should just take control of, even though I love staying up) I think we're seeing some definite positive trends.
I mean, going a whole day at work without a caffinated beverage? (Thursday) That's worth the price of admission right there.
Hrm, a couple yawns, time to get what little sleep I can.
One thing the doctor said would happen is that I would just start doing things instead of thinking about doing them so much. That may be happening, but I seem to be interrupting myself so I'm not sure what was really the desired effect. I was making my sandwiches this morning (yes, goal three isn't going well yet) and I suddenly felt the need to cut out the box top for schools thing from the juice label, which lead to trimming some of the bigger ones in the jar where my daughter collects them. I did that and went back to the sammiches, so hopefully what's happening is that though I'm getting distracted, I don't forget the thing was working on in the first place.
Or, I could just be psyching myself out again.
Well, as predicted, no noticable effect. Maybe I was a little jittery early on or maybe I just didn't sleep enough last night. Right now, I've turned on an episode of Babylon 5 that will last longer thant I should be taking to clean up the kitchen and make lunches per my previous goal. Man they made some neat starship designs.
So yesterday, after much delay and prodding from the wife, I went to see a psychologist about my potential for adult ADD. After interviewing me about my concerns and history for just a few minutes, he was pretty satified that I would benefit from medication. His words were that I was pretty much as close to "pure ADD" a one could probably get as I don't really have much in the way of other symptoms. Yes, I tend to get kind of depressed at times, and very anxious at others (money, work, etc.) but he felt that if I could get a better focus and followthrough on things more, those anxieties would fade.
So today I took my first Vyvanse. 20mg, once a day to start. If I don't feel much of an impact I can go up to 3 to see the difference. According to the literature, I should be seeing the effects now, but I somehow doubt my slightly elevated energy/motivation this morning is anything but psychosomatic effect. The pharmacist said that it would take about 3 days to really know the effect. So, we'll wait and see.
In the mean-time I thought I'd set myself some goals.
1) Journal my experiences with this change at least 4 days out of 7, minimum.
2) Write on one of the two stories 3 days out of 7, miminum.
3) Make lunches the night before every night (a habit I lost over summer)
More to likely come
I was arriving late to a friend's house for some gaming activities. It was a special day because I was joining them for the first time and it was being run by local author Cherie Priest, whom none of my friends know, that I'm aware of. It was a bit of an anxiety dream as I was late, unprepared (they luckily had a pregenerated character for me) and very little clue as to what I was doing. I compensated by throwing myself into the role-playing, but something tole me that Ms. Priest was none too impressed. The best part was the YuGiOh-like ability we had to actually project giant avatars of our characters to act out what was going on.
All in all, quite the odd dream.